This post is an early Mother’s Day Card to all those women who, by choice or design never became a ‘Mother’.
What happens if you never birthed a child… are you unable to embrace the aspect of the Mother? I struggled with this well over a decade… but I found the truth several years ago, and for all those other ‘non-mom’s out there, I wish to share my realization.
There are so many reasons why women (and men) may not go through what pagan and other spiritual societies would traditionally deem the aspect of the ‘mother’. Perhaps they didn’t want children, were unable to have children. Perhaps it was not financially responsible to have or adopt; or the stars simply never lined up because their soul contract required their energies elsewhere.
For me it was a combination of a few things….
But let’s start at the beginning… I always wanted children. My instinct to be both warrior and healer made me an ideal candidate. My desire was so strong that I would (even at an age where I knew it was truly not possible or realistic to have kids) mourned the egg that shed, the child that could have been. Now in my mid-late 40’s with the wings of the Crone grazing my cheek, beckoning me on to my next phase of life, the maternal instinct within has never let go. Do I feel, still, that I missed the phase of the Mother? Not at all.
The concept of the Mother comes from the Triple aspect of the Goddess which is found in many pre Judeo-Christian paths. As defined on Wikipedia (in this one instance, I think we can agree with Wiki):
The Triple Goddess has been adopted by many neopagans as one of their primary deities. In common Neopagan usage the three female figures are frequently described as the Maiden, the Mother and the Crone, each of which symbolizes both a separate stage in the female life cycle and a phase of the Moon, and often rules one of the realms of earth, underworld, and the heavens. A mother goddess represents, or is a personification of nature/ Motherhood a personification of fertility, creation and destruction. She embodies the bounty of the earth.
I think the key things to consider are the various ways in which the Goddess Mother is ‘personified’, and seeing beyond our own ‘wombs’, the Sacral Chakra, as the centre of fertility and birth.
For some, that creative force simply does not exists in the Sacral Chakra, but perhaps instead within the Root Chakra, giving birth to those who chose a life in service to the protection of others, in service of communities and nations.
For others that force is held within the Solar Plexus as a source of creativity, giving birth to new ideas, concepts and business ventures…
For others it might reside in the Heart Chakra, giving birth to healing modalities and spiritual teachers who take on the responsibility to nurture the spiritual development of others.
For others still, it might reside in the Throat Chakra, giving birth to educators and entertainers.
The main thing is, motherhood is about creating something from nothing. Something that we put our heart and soul into nourishing and nurturing. In our own way, we each do this throughout our lives in various ways.
It is also important for me to note, that not all women who give birth, should have. Some might find that statement a bit harsh, but think of the stories of abuse that come to light. Some women are never able to embrace the child they gave birth to, or the responsibility of motherhood in this very direct way. Thankfully, some of these women have the wisdom to give these babies up for adoption, allowing a women that society may have ignorantly deemed ‘barren’ to provide the most amazing nourishing and nurturing home for that soul.
Then there are women such as Mother Teresa, and other spiritual dedicants, who by choice of their path and teachings will never give birth to a single child, but yet care for them by the masses. Motherhood, in whatever form, is not therefore a result of the birth of a child, but instead the embrace of a concept. Creation for the greater good of an individual, or a community… or of the Earth herself.
I would like to leave you with a final thought… the Moon.
The Moon is often the symbol used to illustrate the triple phases of the Goddess, however, she herself went from Maiden (her birth and creation within our solar system), to Crone (barren and wise). The moon itself was never in a position to ‘give birth’ yet she is most revered at Full Moon. Her energy at that time linked to Motherhood. She herself does not change, simply the way the light is reflected on her, and therefore our perception of her.
If we can see beyond the obvious when it comes to spirits influence, we should be willing to do the same with each other. So for all those who have given birth, please never believe that your instincts to protect, or your drive to nurture is any greater than a women who chose to adopt, or a woman who chose to nurture a career (spiritual or otherwise). At the end of the day we are all representatives of the Goddess and as such hold all her energy and beauty within.
The most important thing we can put forth as ‘Mothers’ is the energy of acceptance and love.
For that is the message of the First Mother.
I dedicate this not just to the wonderful mother’s who are part of my life, by blood, spirit or choice, but also to those women who have used their creativity to nurture their own paths. We are all the better for it.